17/05/2020

Mobile Mind #8

(beep)

hello future anna and happy 8th mobile mind! I started this to look at my anxiety and feelings and how I am coping and dealing with situations as I find it so nice to get everything out into the open to look at, and really explain it to myself, rather than keeping it trapped in my head.

this is a different kind of one. we're currently in the covid-19 lockdown (although with Bo Jo's latest advice, can it still be called that?) and this is week 8 and a half for me, as I began on Thursday 19th march. It was then announced on the 23rd that the whole of the UK would have to follow the rules.

I didn't know how I'd be. if my sudden change on routine would throw me off. if having no space or time on my own would make me sad. if not being in charge of my life would cause me to get mad. it's actually been the complete opposite.

I've found this time really refreshing and peaceful for my soul. I know that's very artsy, and very privileged of me to say right now, but it's true, and this is a place for me to share how I feel. it's my blog, duhhh!

I've really enjoyed having to stay home. I love being at home, with my family, somewhere I know, with no fear of what might happen if I go out. I've always struggled with the idea of leaving.  guess it's just the fear of bad things that can happen in an environment I can't control. it's really stopped me doing a lot over my life, and I do worry that even though this long period of safety is good for me, it may make my brain want to always be here.

but other than that, I've been good. I've been sewing lots, and trying to be creative. I've been wanting to write and have had ideas, but not always the motivation to get it down. I've been trying to read more but my current book is an old one, and they always take longer for me to wrap my head around. I've been trying to get outside if the weather's been nice, which it has been to be honest, but some days it is cold. I've been chatting with friends and doing quizzes, and me and my sister have made one for the next family one on Saturday. it's just nice to be hanging out altogether. and making tiptoes has been so much fun!!

this time is really making me think of what the summer holidays is like, although there aren't fun places for us to go like normal. it's really taking a hit on my little brother which is a real shame. I feel I need to always be there for him to do stuff, but that then means that I can't be doing what I want to do. I try and do 50/50, but I'm not always in the headspace.

it's weird. I do feel this time has been good, but it does have it's bad points like I've said. I do feel anxious about going back to normal, and it be expected that I see everyone and go to every function, but I just hate thinking about it. obviously I want it all to be fine, but right now, it's quite pleasant in my lil homey cocoon, surrounded my sunshine, sewing and Zack and Cody. omg I have watched so much.

(beep)