Good evening future anna. I haven't blogged in nearly a month. That's ok. I love blogging and writing and today at work i finished and posted 2 blogs and started another. I really love writing. I just didn't seem to have the right thing to say or if i did, i didn't really want to write it down. Last week i was in london. I started Monday morning on a hardwood floor at a friend's flat in sheffield and just a few hours later, i was on the tube on the way to meet a friend in east London. Last week was intense but i loved nearly every second. It was intense because i never seemed to just stop and take in what was happening. I say nearly because something happened that i still haven't really gotten my head round yet and i might mention it in my next mobile mind. Who knows. I sure don't. Other than that, the week was INCREDIBLE! I saw bastille in manchester, sheffield and London. I met up with some of my bestest friends and even made some new ones. I also saw dua lipa and WOW she can sing! I was still on a high when i got home. Everything was going so well. then i kinda went back to my normal self.
I. I never really know how to explain how i feel. I feel sad. But there is nothing in life for me to be sad about. I constantly want to burst into tears but i have to stop myself because someone will ask me "what's wrong?" and when i give them the correct answer of "nothing" because nothing is the matter or "i'm fine" because i am and i don't even understand why i am crying myself, they don't seem to get it. I have never been good with feelings. I seem to have all the emotions all at once and then nothing.
I often feel like this.
I describe it as being a bottle of flat lemonade. The flavor is still there, just the fizz is all gone. I also try and explain it to myself by thinking about a fire starting. If a fire magically started and i would genuinely just rather sit and let the flames take me, i know i am having a flat lemonade moment.
Wow. That sounds really awful when i take it out of my head and put it down in front of me, but it's true. I have my own little mental scale and i can either be the coolest cocktail at the party or a bottle of flat lemonade. With me, i feel there is no middle.
So that's where i am right now. A little sad but i couldn't tell you why. Not even i deserve that pleasure. I hope to write more as i love it, and if you feel like you can teach me to not be like this, don't hesitate to contact me asap as i would dearly appreciate it. Haha.
Have a nice night future anna. Hopefully you work out how to get back to being fizzy soon.