a bottle of flat lemonade


Good evening future anna. I haven't blogged in nearly a month. That's ok. I love blogging and writing and today at work i finished and posted 2 blogs and started another. I really love writing. I just didn't seem to have the right thing to say or if i did, i didn't really want to write it down. Last week i was in london. I started Monday morning on a hardwood floor at a friend's flat in sheffield and just a few hours later, i was on the tube on the way to meet a friend in east London. Last week was intense but i loved nearly every second. It was intense because i never seemed to just stop and take in what was happening. I say nearly because something happened that i still haven't really gotten my head round yet and i might mention it in my next mobile mind. Who knows. I sure don't. Other than that, the week was INCREDIBLE! I saw bastille in manchester, sheffield and London. I met up with some of my bestest friends and even made some new ones. I also saw dua lipa and WOW she can sing! I was still on a high when i got home. Everything was going so well. then i kinda went back to my normal self.
I. I never really know how to explain how i feel. I feel sad. But there is nothing in life for me to be sad about. I constantly want to burst into tears but i have to stop myself because someone will ask me "what's wrong?" and when i give them the correct answer of "nothing" because nothing is the matter or "i'm fine" because i am and i don't even understand why i am crying myself, they don't seem to get it. I have never been good with feelings. I seem to have all the emotions all at once and then nothing.
I often feel like this.
I describe it as being a bottle of flat lemonade. The flavor is still there, just the fizz is all gone. I also try and explain it to myself by thinking about a fire starting. If a fire magically started and i would genuinely just rather sit and let the flames take me, i know i am having a flat lemonade moment.
Wow. That sounds really awful when i take it out of my head and put it down in front of me, but it's true. I have my own little mental scale and i can either be the coolest cocktail at the party or a bottle of flat lemonade. With me, i feel there is no middle.
So that's where i am right now. A little sad but i couldn't tell you why. Not even i deserve that pleasure. I hope to write more as i love it, and if you feel like you can teach me to not be like this, don't hesitate to contact me asap as i would dearly appreciate it. Haha.
Have a nice night future anna. Hopefully you work out how to get back to being fizzy soon.



  1. Depression is awful and unexplainable. I've struggled for years with depression. Most of my adult life in fact. It's awful. On Friday i found myself staggering around a shop in a black mental fog that I couldn't shake. I just wanted to fall to the floor and never move, just because I had missed the chance to get a haircut.
    When I was 23 or 24 I nearly threw myself in front of a train and I realised I needed help, so I went to the doctor and got myself medicated. It's not the route a lot of people choose, but I was so low that I couldn't see any other way. I'd really recommend speaking to someone like a doctor or a close friend who has gone through something like that, because it stops you being your best self, saps creativity and generally sucks the proverbial big one.

  2. Thank you James.
    I am so sorry you have had to go through so much, but like you say, speaking to people can make you feel a lot better. 💕😊

  3. It's all part of life's rich tapestry


Be nice. Spread positivity. If you disobey these 2 rules in any way, I will never answer your call.